Big Dick Jokes

A dirty humor archive of funny cock and penis jokes

Top 10 big dick jokes

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+98 rating, 434 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, Frodo carried the Ring to it.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+36 rating, 120 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, King Kong tried to climb it.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+32 rating, 84 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, movie theaters now serve popcorn in small, medium, large, and My Dick.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+22 rating, 56 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for three extra days.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+18 rating, 42 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, I’m already fucking a girl tomorrow.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+14 rating, 80 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick hit .370 in the minors before it hurt its knee.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+14 rating, 24 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, if I didn’t sleep on my side, planes would crash into it at night.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+12 rating, 54 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, I have to stand in the hall when I take a piss.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+9 rating, 35 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, I’m it’s bitch.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+7 rating, 21 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, Las Vegas casinos fly it into town for free.

Random selection of big dick jokes

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-3 rating, 3 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big that its conjoined twin was born with just a head and one tiny, misshapen hand.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+3 rating, 7 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, Osama bin Laden hid under it for six months.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+98 rating, 434 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, Frodo carried the Ring to it.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-3 rating, 3 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big its own gravity’ll soon capture the Moon.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-2 rating, 2 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, it bought Microsoft from petty cash.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+18 rating, 42 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, I’m already fucking a girl tomorrow.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+2 rating, 4 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, my zipper is made by Bethlehem Steel.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-1 rating, 3 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, FedEx won’t insure it.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-2 rating, 4 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick has an old rusty harpoon stuck in it.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-1 rating, 1 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, it has its own page in the Sierra Club calendar.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+1 rating, 3 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to test my condoms.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+3 rating, 3 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, my parents had to get a building permit to have me circumcised.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-2 rating, 4 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick has better credit than I do.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+1 rating, 3 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-1 rating, 5 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, that it can think of far more big dick jokes than I can.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+1 rating, 5 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, students will need a calculator with scientific notation.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-2 rating, 4 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, Columbus discovered it and thought it was India.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-1 rating, 3 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big the Amazon detours around it.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-1 rating, 5 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big that there’re currently a bunch of biologists filming a documentary on its untamed inhabitants.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+1 rating, 1 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, I have to set up orange traffic cones when I take a piss outside.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (0 rating, 2 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+7 rating, 21 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, Las Vegas casinos fly it into town for free.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+2 rating, 10 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, it has a stunt double.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (0 rating, 6 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, it has its own moon.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-3 rating, 3 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick golfs with the mayor.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-3 rating, 3 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big it shows up on radar.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big it has its own two-party system. All the candidates suck.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+2 rating, 22 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, it has its own gravity

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-1 rating, 1 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big it costs a fortune to heat.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+4 rating, 4 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, it’s wanted in nine states, and Canada.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+3 rating, 3 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big it subconsciously ducks its head just a little bit every time I walk thru a doorway.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-4 rating, 6 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big I have to buy it its own airline seat.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-1 rating, 1 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, Hurricane Katrina gave me a blowjob.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (0 rating, 2 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, Jack Nicholson asked for its autograph.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-1 rating, 3 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick’s so big it cums sperm whales !

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big it doesn’t need a resume, a nice suit or a firm handshake to get the job.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (-4 rating, 4 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, that when it’s Eastern Standard Time at the tip, it’s Central Mountain Time at my balls.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (+2 rating, 2 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, it thinks the Grand Canyon is a virgin.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (0 rating, 4 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, Rolling Stone calls it The Fifth Beatle.

Vote This Joke DownVote This Joke Up (0 rating, 2 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

My dick is so big, my urologist has to rent a forklift for my annual prostate exam.

Page 1 of 9123456789